How Did You Get Here and Our Thai Birthday

This blog has been wonderful for me. I've met so many people that are going through the SAME thing as me - navigating this tough (and sometimes horrible) world of peanut allergy, not to mention some of you out there who have to deal with multiple food allergies (some of them not in the top 8 - I don't know how you do it)! I am truly humbled and thankful when I hear from someone who is relieved to see someone else out there with the same fears!

A recent email I got reminded me how terrifying it is when your child is first diagnosed (unfortunately I don't need too much reminding to get back to that place). A sweet reader told me how her little baby reacted inadvertently to a few kisses from a peanut buttery mouth. In seconds I was transported back to my dining room two years ago. I got chills and teared up. I wished so badly that she lived near me so I could have her over and talk to her and tell her how this would be better. Really, it would be better. And I tried my best to help via email and hope I did ok. But I wanted her to know about all of YOU, my fellow peanut allergy villagers.

And it led me to this post. You all know how I got here.

But there are lots of you that are lurking, never commenting (I know you are there - I have stats to prove it!).

How did you get here?

Seeing your stories would help countless other parents out there just starting out on the journey we're used to at a certain degree.

Please leave a comment about how your child was (or you were) diagnosed. If you have a blog, please leave a link to your site too. How do you feel now vs. that first month or so?

Personally, I feel like I freak out less about Bella's allergy. Don't get me wrong, I'm still vigilant. We were at a birthday party for our nephew (by friendship, not blood) this afternoon and the family is from Thailand. So there was Thai food everywhere - cue horror music! Satay, pad thai, peanut sauce, not to mention a huge tub of crushed peanuts. And I didn't freak. I just figured out what she could eat (and I had a stash of snacks in my purse) and dealt with it. There were hot dogs and buns on a dedicated grill, so we had a hot dog. The Thai food hadn't been touched yet so no utensils came in contact with it. Problem solved. But the old me? She probably would have left and denied Bella the time of her life playing with nerf rockets (with 10 year old boys - but that's another story :>). As I like to say - "I would have freaked my freak!"

So back to my request. We're all in this together. Hearing other's stories helps me and I think it will help someone else who's feeling a little overwhelmed right now.

Wont you take a second to help a newbie out?

Thanks,

Gab

p.s. oddly enough at the party today there was a 10 year old there with a peanut allergy. i couldn't help watching him during the party (not in a freaky obvious way) and it was REALLY interesting (and comforting) to watch him navigate the food and figure out a safe alternative for himself. and he did. and it was no big deal for him. or his friends. it was SO COOL!

A Broken Typewriter

Can I let you in on a little secret?

Mark and I are trying for baby #2. TMI? Well, we're not trying at this very second (that would be impressive, no?)!

I've told a few of my friends, and both, at different points in the conversation have asked if I was worried about having another child with a serious food allergy. It caught me a bit off guard. One even asked that if there was a test out there to have in utero to determine allergies, and it showed positive for PA, would you change your mind about keeping the baby? I stammered for a few seconds, and said "of course not, PA is manageable. everything else is fine with Bella. you just learn to deal with it. and we would do the same with another child if that was the diagnosis." All the while I am thinking "do I really want to call this person a friend? what a stupid question!"

To me, PA isn't a disability, so hearing that last remark was really off-putting. It's not like Bella wont be a functioning member of society. But I do think that other folks see it as a disability. Mainly because of the exceptions that are asked of food manufacturers, airlines, restaurants, schools, etc. I think us moms (or PA or other allergic folks) who are proactive about keeping safe get a bad rap, and it is perceived that because we are suffering each day, we in turn work at making things 'harder' for others by asking them not to bring peanut butter to school, have nutty products around, etc..like we're martyrs or something. We're learning to manage the allergy, not the other way around.

I don't know about you guys, but I feel stronger each day that Bella doesn't have a reaction (stronger, mind you, not invincible - I'm no idiot). Stronger that we can meet the challenge of PA and not bow down to it. So there is no disability - she is smart as a whip, is healthy, is full of energy (and some attitude)! Ok, I am rambling and feel like some sort of marching, patriotic music should be playing over this, so I'll stop.

But it is true that I do worry (actually I would downgrade that to being mildly concerned) that another baby may have allergies that adversely affect their life. But we would deal with it. I like to think that this journey has made us more sympathetic to others with allergies (or yes, other disabilities).

But I'm not pregnant. Yet. So I don't have much to worry about at this point. We'll just keep practicing and I'll keep you posted if that typewriter really is broken. Wink Wink.

What do you guys think? Would you have another child (or have you) after having one with a life threatening food allergy? Is it selfish to if there is a possibility of passing it on? Tell me!

Gab

p.s. get it? broken typewriter? missing a period? anyone? anyone? bueller?

WWYD?

One of my friends has a friend (whom I've never met). She has a 5 year old with a life threatening peanut allergy (aren't they all potentially?) - I've never met her though. I know for a fact she doesn't read this blog (she probably is only vaguely aware of me and Bella)....

Her son has had a couple of scary incidents that involved hospitals and epi-pens (need I go on?). One minor incident was enough for me to change my ways and become uber-vigilant about what Bella could eat.

Here's the point of my post though: I was surpised to learn that she NEVER lets him eat anything at other people's houses. Is that weird to you? Even when she is there and the people tell her exactly what is in the dishes - even family and close friends. She says that she doesn't want to set a precedent for her child - that he shouldn't believe what other people tell him about what's in the food they are having. She wants him to think that the only place he can eat is at home.

I say she's a bit paranoid and setting him up for paranoia during school and potentially alienating him from friends and socializing. I think times like this are a really good opportunity for a parent to teach a child to take control of their allergy and not be hindered by it. Basically I want Bella to think to herself (almost like a vegetarian or vegan) - hmmm, what's on the menu? Well, I can't have that because it has nuts, but look what I CAN have! Or to say to herself, should I be eating this? Let me ask someone first.

Am I a horrible, naive, loosey-goosey, hippie-dippie mother? Is 5 too young to teach cause and effect? Some of my family think I am nuts (gotta work that term into every post - hee hee) for showing Bella what peanut butter looks like, or peanuts in and out of a shell (in photos of course!) so she knows to stay away. I know it will take some time for it really to sink in, but isn't all of this about education and awareness, not sheltering your child from reality?

My mother, unfortunately, has a life threatening allergy to shellfish. Does it stop her from eating out at seafood restaurants? Nope. She's just really careful and really clear when she goes to a restaurant. I think we're lucky in that she set a great example of how to live your life with a food allergy that can stop you in your tracks. Believe me, she's spent time in the hospital (and actually was stuck in British customs after cross-contamination from inflight dining - that's a story for another time though)...

What would you do (WWYD)? Thoughts? If you went to a family member's house and they made a cake (from a mix you approved - or from scratch with approved ingredients), would you let your child have some or would you still not trust it? Please let me know!