It's 5:30 am on a Sunday and I just realized it's Valentine's Day! Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you're going to be with someone you care about today and that you've found safe treats to share with the peanut allergic person in your life.
It was a rough week around here. I've been dealing with some difficult people this week and it's been stressful for me. I wont go into too many details here, but suffice it to say: I am a strong believer in karma and there are some people in this world who are going to get a swift kick in the butt in the future.
Another hiccup was B's annual appt with her allergist last Wednesday. She has been adamant that she didn't want to go to the doctor and was under no circumstances going to have a skin test. Being the naive parent that I am, I thought she was just being dramatic and that everything would be great at her appointment. Sure she'd be a little uncomfortable, but wasn't it worth it to see how her levels would be this year?
Boy was I wrong. She complained the whole car ride there. Thought of every excuse in the book as to why she shouldn't be there. And couldn't I just call his office and tell him she was sick and wouldn't be making it today? Oh, how cute, I thought to myself - she's so strong willed. Ahem.
Actually, she WAS fine during the first few minutes of chitchat. But once she saw the skin test come out she LOST HER MIND. As in I had to physically hold her while they administered the test. All while she was screaming and crying.
And when the test came back, her wheal size had doubled from the previous year.
I. Was. Crushed. As in, wind-knocked-out-of-me, are you flipping kidding me? And you don't need to leave me a comment about how it's not about me and I should be strong for my child, blah blah blah. I KNOW that. I'm not a moron. I had on my best poker face and not a single tear was shed. I just couldn't believe it.
I was seriously expecting her to not have a reaction. What the hell was that bump doing there? That was the control or the histamine, right?
Wishful thinking on my part.
Then we heard the same thing her allergist says every year. That he is sure she'll outgrow this. He even offered to schedule a food challenge right then and there. B gave her wholehearted response right away: NO!
She just doesn't care about it. I feed my feelings into it more I guess. I am way more bummed about it than she is. She doesn't know anything different, so what does she care? It's just one food to her (I guess all my reinforcing has worked).
In the grand scheme of things, having one peanut allergy isn't the end of the world and we've been managing it really well. And we'll continue to do so. But it breaks my heart as a mother that the window of her outgrowing this seems to be just out of our reach and closing a little more each year.
So after that bummer of an experience (for me), I had people (who ironically are from the FA community) being really difficult. Being an advocate for food allergy isn't a competition for me, but apparently it is for them. I'm striving for a common goal of helping people, not having the most followers. Have I helped one of you out there or made you feel less alone? Then this little blog of mine is worth it. I'll leave it at that.
It just never ends.
Anyhoo, I hope you have a great Valentine's Day. Big hugs and smooches to you all!